I bought a bunch of movies from Criterion (kinda at random), so I thought it was time I started watching some of them.

Very mysterious!

I’m not sure whether this is a horror movie? Or more of a psycho thriller kind of thing?

Terrific performances all around, and it looks great. It’s just that I’m not really that fond of those “is she insane, or are somebody trying to drive her insane, or ARE THERE GHOSTS!!!!” stories? I’m sitting here and going GET ON WITH IT which is totally the wrong approach and not the movie’s fault at all.

See? Looks awesome.

This movie makes a lot of interesting choices, like making the Kidman character (who is the protagonist) absolutely insufferable — a religious fanatic, somewhat sadistic, stupid almost beyond belief…

But everybody else (including half the children) are evil or ineffective, so it evens out?

OK, if you haven’t seen this movie before, and there’s a chance you will, stop reading now.

I’ll leave you with this gif, but close this tab now!

Are they gone?

Wow, I didn’t see that coming at all! He out-Shyamalaned Shyamalan!

I’m in total awe of that ending, really.

But even so, the first 90 minutes were not fun? But like I said, that might just be me, because I don’t really enjoy the sort of movie er I thought this was, and just because it turned out to be something else, that doesn’t make it more enjoyable. For me.

But it’s certainly well-made.

The Others. Alejandro Amenábar. 2001. ⚃

This has like 20 producers… I kinda thought those days were over, and that Netflix or Amazon would just hand out silly amounts of money to everybody, but not to Cronenberg, I guess?

And this is the second movie of that name Cronenberg has made! The first one was er “eek” I think I would summarise it. And I haven’t really been looking forward to watching this movie, but it Cronenberg, so I have to.

Oops.

Hm, these mechanical-organic things certainly remind you of similar things in eXistenZ — but they looked so much better in that movie. Even slithery things in, say, Videodrome looked 100x better than this plastic thing that can barely move…

OK, I was worried that this was going to be totally gross since I’ve actually read reviews of this movie. But it’s not! Instead it’s totally CGI? I mean, they’ve got all these kinda neat sets, but then they cut to 1995 level CGI for all the surgery shots? And possibly some muppet show stuff.

It’s disturbing, but not because it’s gross. More because even with 20 producers, Cronenberg didn’t have the budget to do effects that look OK.

I’m finding it very hard to keep paying attention to this movie. It’s just… dare I say it… kinda boring? Perhaps viewers who have a surgery fetish would find this thrilling? It’s got all these weird elements that should make this an interesting movie, but instead every thread seem to disintegrate. It’s without focus?

Two repair people are better than no repair people.

Anyway, I’ve seen all of Cronenberg’s movies — some several times. And his movies are by no means all wonderful or anything. But… I didn’t really enjoy this much. And it even ended exactly like I guessed it would.

Crimes of the Future . David Cronenberg. 2022. ⚂

Oh, right, this is by Ethan Coen without his brother. I was just going to write “this doesn’t really seem like a Coen brothers movie” and I was right?

Anyway, I’m probably the only person in the world who think they’re overrated? I like most of their movies fine, but I don’t quite understand the adulation. But I guess they’ve got a kinda oldee tymey auteur thing going that’s attractive.

It’s a confusing movie so far? They’ve got the repartee going on like it’s a 30s screwball comedy, which I love, but then they have these scenes of intense violence that’s just a total turn-off. It’s giving me whiplash.

And also the wonderful wonderful sets… but with these CGI things imposed here and there? It’s visually distressing.

Hey, this reminds me of what I was reading earlier today…

Paris Review.

>

This movie looks good, and it’s got some great performances. And it has a fun fluffy comedy plot like they used to do back in the 90s. And this was apparently written a quarter century ago? But it’s just tonally veering from So Much Fun to Eep all the time…

I kinda feel guilty for not loving this movie.

Drive-Away Dolls. Ethan Coen. 2024. ⚃