Well, that’s no way to govern an empire. They do Hunger Games to choose an emperor?
“You have 24 hours to complete the mission.” Common.
This looks so cheap. Everything is greenscreen, of course, but the CGId environments look like they’ve been outsourced to Fiverr. To their credit, they try to hide the decrepit environments by only showing them for half a second at a time, and zooming in on faces almost the entire time, but…
First of all, this is a lot of fun. Sorry, I’m lying: I’m flabbergasted at how tedious this is. My jaw is down to here. How is it possible to be this bad?
I totally see what they’re going for — a kind of zany Guardians of the Galaxy thing. But there’s zero chemistry, there’s zero charm, and there are zero gags that actually work.
I don’t think anybody’s given the inside story on this, but it was originally supposed to be a “dark, edgy” TV series, but then Michelle Yeoh got more famous and refused. So they retooled to do a single movie with her, and went “zany” instead… but the writers and producers involved (just go ahead and watch Star Trek: Discovery) have no sense of humour at all.
I had hoped that it was just the usual Nazi brigading:
But this is astonishingly bad. I mean, I’m not speechless, but it’s so bad that most people in my situation would lie and say “I’m speechless”.
OK, we’re 40 minutes into the movie — is it finally going to start?
x
It’s the God’s End!
“I am a science officer, and science is controlled chaos.”
There’s been a lot of really bad Star Trek stuff. Remember Picard s1? No? Well, good for you. But this is off the scale. It’s amazing that they had the chutzpah to 1) film this and then 2) show it to people. I feel bad for Michelle Yeoh that they made her do this, and I feel bad for myself that I watched this. But I didn’t have to!
I won’t say it’s the worst movie I’ve ever seen, because I’ve seen a lot of stuff, but it’s the worst movie I’ve seen in quite a while.
Star Trek: Section 31. Olatunde Osunsanmi. 2025. ⚀
