News From Home. Chantal Akerman. 1976. ⚅

This is from Criteron’s Eclipse series of releases. I think they brand it as “hard-to-find art movies”, but it’s really their budget line of releases: It’s boxes of unrestored movies that they expect won’t sell much.

And that’s fine! I’d rather have a box unrestored Chantal Akerman movies than no Chantal Akerman movies.

Jeanne Dielman, 23, quai du commerce, 1080 Bruxelles, is, of course, one of the best movies ever made, but I haven’t seen any of her other movies. So I’m all excited!

Especially after having just seen eight Fast & Furious movies.

[twenty minutes pass]

I love this.

It’s basically just long uninterrupted shots of New York streets and stuff, with a voice-over reading the letters from a mother to a daughter who’s moved to New York. (We only get one side of the conversation.)

It’s so minimal, it shouldn’t work, and yet it’s absolutely fascinating and thrilling.

Of course, one part of the fascination is just being able to watch New York in 1972 in this unhurried way. It’s a city of romance… and not in the romantic way.

[forty minutes pass]

Oh, I’d so love to see a 2K restoration of this. I’m guessing it was filmed on 16mm? So there’d be so much more detail than on this indifferent DVD transfer. The New York Chamber of Commerce (or somebody) could finance it! Who wouldn’t want to watch ninety minutes of gorgeous footage of Manhattan in 1972?

OK, my enthusiasm with this film may be due to how much I love being in New York, but… I don’t think so? It’s just so… it’s… it’s just to *there*. This is what we want, this is what we get. It’s just so… present. I love all the awkward reactions from the people when they see there’s a camera there. And the colours. And how everything is different, but the same.

And the sort of narrative being slowly weaved by the letters from home.

[the end]

I you had set out to engineer a movie I would adore, it’d basically be this movie. I absolutely totally love this: It’s pure genius, I think. (Mind you, I’m really drunk as I’m watching/writing this.) It’s just so amazing… all these long, long takes of Manhattan, somehow imbuing everything with significance…

AKERMAN IS TEH FAB!

Lost Boys: The Thirst. Dario Piana. 2010. ⚃

Uh-oh. Well, the previous movie was 4.5, and that was a fun movie… so this is probably a more serious movie? And perhaps actually bad?

Let’s see.

[twenty minutes pass]

OK, this isn’t a “good movie”…

The previous movie was a retread of the first movie, but even funnier. This is … hm… I don’t know what this is. It’s got both of the Frog brothers (Corey Feldman and Jamison Newlander), and they’re the protagonists here, instead of being funny side-kicks (like Feldman was in the previous movie).

I like Feldman — he brings his all into making this funny (by playing it over-seriously), but as the central character? I’m not sure…

And Feldman’s hair looks so much like a wig that I’m wondering whether it’s his real hair, but with a bad hairdo? Because a wig can’t look that bad.

[ten minutes pass]

It’s funny… but there’s some scenes here that just don’t feel quite right. I think it’s an editing problem? It just doesn’t feel… musical? They scenes could have been slightly more snappier, and then it’d have been hilariou instead of amusing?

[fifteen minutes pass]

It’s so frustrating! This could almost have been a horror/comedy camp classic. The jokes are almost there… just a bit more work, and they could actually have landed. The movie does so much right… the 80s horror parody feel, and the non-ironic approach to everything… I almost feel guilty about not liking this more than I do.

It’s so great when Feldman pairs up with Casey B. Dolan — delivering up straight lines to each other continuously. But there needs to be more punchlines!

[the end]

This reminds me so much of fun 90s series like Xena: Warrior Princess and Cleopatra 2525 (the first season). It’s got the same kinda vibe. And so it’s totally out of step with what was popular in 2010, which was the New Era Of Quality TV (i.e, zzz), so I understand why there wasn’t another sequel. But I could watch a dozen of these. It’s easy, breezy, vampire slaying.

Take this with a grain or salt (or a shovel or two), but this is so much better than you’d expect.

Lost Boys: The Tribe. P.J. Pesce. 2008. ⚃

Uh-oh. I didn’t think the imdb scale went that low.

Anyway, I’m watching this because… it was included in the Lost Boys bluray package. It’s apparently a cheapie done without much of a connection to the original Schumacher classic? But Corey Feldman is supposed to do an appearance…

OK, now this sounds awesome. Let’s see!

[ten minutes pass]

I’m kinda enjoying this so far. The surfer-vamps-killing-the-1%-vamp was fun and surprising — it’s like they were expecting us to expect it, but then knowing that that’s what we were expecting, so it’s the opposite, but then they did the opposite of the opposite, so it’s… er… where was I… yes, I’ve mixed a batch of batida de mango indeed.

The only thing annoying so far is the cheapo early digital video they’re using. It looks great during the night scenes, but in the daytime scenes, everything that’s bright gets grainy and shimmery. In a bad way.

[twenty-five minutes pass]

Feldman showed up and tries to talk approx. two octaves below his natural register. “I am Batman I mean Edgar Frog.” The CGI sequences are sooo bad… even for a 2008 movie. But, like, it didn’t have much of a budget… perhaps they shouldn’t even have tried? The practical, cheap stuff looks fine and gross.

I’m still not understanding the “4.5” rating: I’ve seen so many movies that are a lot worse than this. This has engaging actors and a pretty amusing plot. Perhaps voting has been brigaded by old Lost Boys fanatics?

[the end]

It kinda lost the plot somewhere? I mean, I’m not quite sure where, because it seemed to be going somewhere? But suddenly it was all boring for quite a while.

Still! I kinda liked it? Feldman is so over-the-top that you (i.e., I) can’t help but smile, and it’s just generally kinda likeable? I mean, it’s not a “good movie”… but it’s fun. It’s like an 80s horror movie?

It’s silly. I like silly.