I loathe this movie from the first scene! That music box! Those “remembrance” effects! Could this be the worst movie ever?

Oh! I thought Casey Affleck was playing developmentally challenged or something, but he’s playing a 19-year-old. (He was 32 at the time.)

Anyway, the reason I have this is because I bought a box set almost a decade ago, and it’s taken me this long to watch them all.

The Westerns Dynamite DVD Collection. It’s kinda interesting:

The Desperate Trail (1939)
The Three Godfathers (1948)
Treasure of Sierra Madre (1948)
The Searchers (1956)
Rio Bravo (1959)
The Wild Bunch (1969)
How the West was Won (1962)
Chisum (1970)
McCabe and Mrs Miller (1971)
Jeremiah Johnson (1972)
Cahill US Marshall (1973)
Pat Garret and Billy the Kid (1973)
The Outlaw Josey Wales (1976)
Tom Horn (1980)
Pale Rider (1985)
Dances with Wolves (1990)
Unforgiven (1992)
Wyatt Earp (1994)
Last Stand at Saber River (1997)
The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford (2007)

That’s a solid collection of movies, with a variety of approaches… from 1939 to 2007, with an emphasis on the 70s. I think… most of these movies are pretty spiffy? It’s only when we reach the 90s that things get a bit dicey. I think the only actually good movie here after 1985 is Unforgiven?

Which might also be a reflection of how few westerns are made these days.

So much bathing!

I’m bailing on this after 45 minutes, because it’s 1) absurd and 2) boring and 3) not stylish enough and 4) did I mention ugly and boring?

The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford. Andrew Dominik. 2007. ⚀

Oh, deer? This is on of those epic epic westerns? It’s over three hours long, and…

… it’s got a gazillion actors.

I’ve got a bad feeling about this. It’s by Lawrence Kasdan, which is a very familiar name, but I’m not quite sure … from where?

Hm! I’ve seen a lot of these. I mean… more than half? Two thirds? But I’m not sure I’m… a fan? I think a lot of these are in the dreaded Oscar Territory?

Well, we’ll see…

This just looks so … fake. I mean, everybody’s got 1994 blow-dried hair…

… and I don’t know what it is about Kostner… I’ve never understood the charm. I mean, he seems like a nice guy, but…

This is super hokey. I may not survive this movie. Everything here is annoying me — the sugary soundtrack, the relentless pathos, the cutesy scenes…

This movie tries so hard! Every scene is The Most Emotional Scene ever. And it’s … I mean, what’s going on here is very emotional, and should touch anybody, but they lean so hard into the sentimentality that the mind reels. And so my eyes remain resolutely dry.

I’m bailing on this after 80 minutes, because it’s tedious as fuck.

Wyatt Earp. Lawrence Kasdan. 1994. ⚁

What!? Is this gonna be one of those western epic epics?

Huh… no, under two hours.

The titles are over after eight minutes… they’re really going for that epic epic feeling, at least, even if the movie’s not that long.

Pollack? He’s done a whole bunch of very mainstream comedy/drama things, right?

Ah, right. Oscar bait stuff.

I like this movie. And I like Redford’s beard. It’s very 1972.

*gasp*

He shaved!

I think I understand now why they did the overture and the very, very slow start — it’s to say to people “calm the fuck down”. Because this isn’t your normal western movie. It’s … kinda tranquil? Lots of amusing bits, though, and some action here and there.

I think this was just about perfect until the “third act”. (I hate the three act structure Hollywood pictures use soooo muuuuuch.) But even that didn’t make the movie suck…

It’s a pretty unique movie, so:

Jeremiah Johnson. Sydney Pollack. 1972. ⚄