OK, so this movie (the sixth) is finally going to do what I assumed the second one would do to escalate things: Have the dinosaurs be in the Real World instead of on some remote island. Perhaps they resisted the idea because it would be a too large a perturbation of what’s known to be the “real world” — if you change the scenery too much from what’s outside the window, it gets harder to care, too.

So now you have dino rustlers. Yee haw.

Anyway, the reasons I started watching these Jurassic movies is because I have a tendency to just buy random 4K blu ray movies — while the novelty has worn off, some of them still look pretty great. And then I thought — “hey, I haven’t watched the first five movies”, and I got those, too… but after starting watching them, I quickly regretted the entire thing. But if I’ve bought them, I’ve got to watch them, right? That’s the disadvantage to buying physical media… there’s more of a… pressure to actually watch them.

But that’s also a good thing, often.

I’m just saying I’m really really fed up with this series at this point, and I’m like grudge watching this one to get it over with.

Oh, and there were two versions of the movie on the disc, apparently — one that’s 2h40m long and one that’s 2h29m long. I’m watching the shorter one, obviously.

SO SHORT

What’s the budget on this one?

It looks … cheaper? They’ve even skimped on hairdressers.

Well, it’s $5M cheaper than the previous movie:

And made $300M less. Still, it made beaucoup d’argent, so I guess it won’t be the last one.

So this movie is less about dinosaurs ravaging New York than about peacefully living with them? Huh… that’s a choice…

Aww.

Mother and child. How cute.

I SAID HOW CUTE

It’s her! I love Laura Dern.

I’m actually kinda enjoying this movie… perhaps it’s my lowered expectations?

There’s something old-fashioned about this movie… it’s a bit 80s in the way it builds slowly. There’s also something really 2012 about the colour grading — everything tends towards cold greys.

But then… they go to another island! I mean not really — but it’s a cut-off remote area, so it’s basically the same.

The entire crew is back!

Is that Steve Jobs?

What’s with the hairdresser on this movie?

I haven’t looked at reviews, but I understand that it’s a movie that’s not well-liked. And I can understand why — it doesn’t feel like a Jurassic movie at all. Instead it’s more like a heist/secret agent kind of movie? At least so far. And… I like that better? Because the Jurassic template was boring as fuck.

(I mean, it worked in the first movie, but that’s it.)

OK, this is pretty stupid.

Whoa

I take back what I said at the beginning — about this movie looking cheap. I think the problem is the excessive colour grading that makes everything look slightly unreal, even the scenes that are totally on location.

But that was a totes fun action scene.

This movie is aggressively and unapologetically stupid, which I like.

Heh heh. Does Laura Dern have a contract that stipulates that her forehead never be shown?

This is really entertaining. Now I regret that I didn’t watch the longer version instead — I bet it has even more nonsense.

Oh, they’ve finally started to incorporate some new research — this one is slightly feathery, and moves more like a big chicken than an alligator that stands on two feet.

Oooh! This one has big feathers!

FAMBLY

Nice.

Perfect little gag.

Is this the end of the road for Steve Jobs!?

It’s like they had a speech before each scene that went “Remember, this is a dinosaur horror movie for children… with that in mind, how can we make take this scene… TO THE MAX”. And they just deliver, scene after scene: It’s funny/scary in a way that’s totally exciting.

So I’m wondering why this movie got such harsh reviews. I mean, I get it — it’s more like a Fast & Furious movie than it’s like a Jurassic movie. But what?

Oh, that’s harsh. People on imdb really didn’t like it.

And not because if brigading — that’s a normal distribution when people don’t really like a movie.

Critics really loathed it, but the rottentomatoes audience kinda liked it?

Well, I guess — this movie almost takes the dinos for granted, while in the first five movies, they were played for “gooosh! dinos!” But for how many movies can you do that?

What!? Urgency? In Jurassic World?!

So weird. Critics are weird.

Anyway, this is the best Jurassic movie since the first movie. I’m almost tempted to try to watch the long version. But not now.

Jurassic World: Dominion. Colin Trevorrow. 2022. ⚄

Hey, he’s back!

OK, finally we’re off the island(s) — it only took them four movies. Going-to-an-island-with-dinosaurs-and-then-things-happen isn’t an intrinsically exciting plot.

So I’m guessing this time they’re gonna go on rampage in Manhattan or something?

And… perhaps it’s going to be because a group of environmentalists wants to rescue the dinos? Or possibly the evil capitalists. Or both?

Aww!

Noo! They’re back on the island!

This movie does look pretty good, though. Puts Marvel CGI to shame.

OK, now I changed my mind — the CGI isn’t all that convincing. The dinos seem too stiff, but when they fight each other, it’s light they’re made of lightweight rubber — they bounce around in a not very thrilling way.

And why do they go for this pose All The Time?

Nice. Especially since he was trying to reboot the system.

THIS MOVIE IS SO UNREALISTIC yeah yeah

I guess this movie is better than the fourth film. But it’s still not very exciting.

Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom. J.A. Bayona. 2018. ⚂

I guess Spielberg is still involved?

I’m wondering how they’re gonna depict the dinosaurs now that we know that they’re overgrown chickens: Are they still gonna go with the reptile look, or update it to a more feathery look?

I’m kinda surprised that they continue with the “people go to an island with dinosaurs” plot yet another time: I had kinda expected that they were going to go with a “the dinosaurs escaped and they’re now living in the sewers in New York” or somthing.

I mean — Dinosaur Island for the fourth time?

OK, but this time around they’re more professional, and have a real functioning dinosaur theme park.

This movie looks a bit odd. I mean, it looks like an early digital movie — everything is overly sharp and contrastey — but this is from 2015, so movies looked smother by then… perhaps it’s the 4K transfer that’s been overly sharpened?

Heh heh, this guy wants to use the dinosaurs for the military. Yeah, that’s… er… genius! We should be using lions and tigers now!

Hey! I’ve seen a meme of this!

Grr

Aww.

Some of the performances are just downright weird. I was waiting for this character to be revealed as a genetically modified android or something, but I guess not? She just plays the character this way?

I know, I know — it’s a Jurassic movie; it’s not supposed to make sense. But like — why did they breed like 200 pteranosauruses and keep them all in a glass bowl? That seems really expensive (they must eat a lot of meat), doesn’t add a lot of spectacle to the theme park (you can’t pet them), and it catastrophic when the glass bowl fails?

I KNOW I KNOW

What I’m trying to say that I’m pretty bored.

What is that thing anyway?

Plot twist!

And I love how when they finally decide to start shooting, they start off with some put-puts that doesn’t hurt the dinosaur at all, but makes it run away into the forest. Only after doing that, you shoot off the grenade launcher that can actually do some damage. (But you’ll miss because it’s run off already.)

Oh, I thought there was going to be a twist in the Big Dino Fight — that they’d mate or something instead.

OK, I don’t know why I just couldn’t get into this at all. I mean, it looks pretty good? And it’s got some nice dinosaurs. And Chris Whatsisname does a pretty good job. And I guess it’s not any more stupid than the previous outings.

But I just found the entire thing pretty boring? It may just be me, though.

Jurassic World. Colin Trevorrow. 2015. ⚂