I watched this movie a couple years ago and I told everybody I knew that THIS IS THE FUCKING BEST MORONIC MOVIE EVER.

But then a friend said “meh” so now I’m rewatching it to check whether I was right.

THIS IS THE BEST FUCKING MORONIC MOVIE EVER!!!1!

I don’t care what anybody says — that’s the best first twenty minutes of any action movie ever.

It exhilarating in its crassness. Michael Bay has obviously had to defer to people who thought he was too much before, but now he’s just giving it all: Balls to the wall, with no filter whatsoever.

It is perfect.

But then there’s half an hour of less amusing stuff that I’d apparently forgotten about… or perhaps I was just too drunk to actually notice…

It really is as good as I remembered! It’s totally unhinged, totally gauche, totally stupid, and totally delightful.

This movie may be the most crass thing I’ve seen in my life. It’s a work of art.

6 Underground. Michael Bay. 2019. ⚅

OH MY GOD! A PHONE BOOK! How old is this movie?

Hm… 2009… did Yellow Pages still exist back then?

This is brilliant! It’s so original and stylish and funny.

I’m having a bit of a problem with the casting, though… I often can’t tell the male actors apart (because the director is casting men that look pretty much like himself (only better looking) in every part)… and here there’s at least three? five? I can’t even tell! female characters that I can’t say whether they’re supposed to be the same person (in different wigs) or not.

This is so good.

Oh… but he’s got a Russian soul now… so why is he wearing his shoes to bed?

Such American.

This is a lovely movie.

Cold Souls. Sophie Barthes. 2009. ⚄

Oh hi there! I’ve been a fan of July since… er… for a while? I didn’t discover her until late. But she’s pure genius and this is… so July.

So this is totally amazing… it’s a story about a family of very low level grifters…

But how old is she supposed to be? It’s an American movie, so she might be supposed to be er 15 to er mid 30s (I’m guessing the actor’s actual age)? It’s so confusing!

Manhattan! I remember that! From the Before Times.

That was a beautiful scene.

But then the movie leans in, really heavily, to cringe humour, and I hate that.

So much.

It’s like it lost faith in itself and went for the easiest way out possible. I’m super disappointed after the first hour, which is really pure genius. It feels compromised somehow — like it lost faith in itself.

The final scene is lovely, though.

Kajillionaire. Miranda July. 2020. ⚃