Fear Street Part Three

OK, the first two movies were very Netflix. I.e., they kinda sucked? But… if you’ve said A you have to say BCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ.

Right?!

Right.

So this movie is the least 1666-looking horror movie set in 1666 ever.

I guess they kinda colour-graded it into beige and now it’s 1666? And they’re talking in a kinda really fake Dublin dialect?

This is, incredibly enough, even more boring than the first two movies.

It’s like they didn’t even care any more… I mean, why care in the doing the final movie in a trilogy? It’s not like it’s going to affect the viewership? So the economical, sensible thing is just to spend no money or effort.

So this is supremely sensible.

Now I’m regretting ⚁-ing the first two movies, because this is so bad that it’s like a minus nine on that scale, and there’s just no Unicode for that.

So… they asked the hairdresser to do a really seventeenth century weirdo hobo hairdo… and they made this? This precisely cut? This took some skill to do — look at the tips of the hair (probably a wig?) tracking his jawline.

This movie is so boring that I’m bitching about the hairdressers.

That’s a level of boredom seldom achieved.

This may be the most boring horror movie I’ve ever seen? And you know how boring some of those movies can be?

OK, when it gets back to the present(ish) it gets radically less boring. The first hour of this was excruciating! The worst I’ve ever seen! Ever! But now that they’ve done that bit, it’s not so bad?

This bit is kinda fun? And looks a lot better than the rest of the series.

So the last half of this movie wasn’t … horrible? I mean… it wasn’t good, but it wasn’t that awful? I mean, not as awful as the first half, but nothing is, is it?

But ending the movie on an Oasis song is cruel and unusual punishment… Oh! But now there’s Pixies! Gigantic! Gigantic! Gigantic!

Well, that’s sweet.

And then more Pixies? While the titles roll? Mr Grieves? That’s fun. It’s kinda perfect.

OK, whoever did the music in this trilogy was pretty smart.

Fear Street Part Three. Leigh Janiak. 2021. ⚁